| So Much Has Changed, It Seems Nothing Ever Changes |
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[21 Nov 2009|09:42pm] |
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I am not pleased. At all. Fuck you.
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[17 Nov 2009|03:01pm] |
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I think I'll start posting some poetry now. It'll mostly be short stuff probably, like random haikus and whatnot, but I'm in a more creative mood lately, and I want to see how this goes.
I'm also trying to train myself to update more regularly in preparation for London. :D
So here we go, a few haikus to start things off:
Peaceful conversion.
The worm weaves its silk cocoon.
I watch in silence.
Thoughtful reflection.
How many times is yes no?
Fog exhales his breath.
Underground rivers rage.
Deer sip uncertainly from
A spring-fed pool.
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[16 Nov 2009|09:01pm] |
So I'm back, sorta. I doubt I'll be able to update regularly, but eh, whatever. It'll have to do haha.
Yay continuation of emo lyrics.
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| I'm Terrified |
[25 Jul 2009|09:20am] |
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I hate seeing you in the ER, Brandon. :[ Please get better soon, okay? <3
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| Good vs. Emo |
[22 Jul 2009|11:20am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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Revision: I take back any negativity these past few weeks. Life is actually very good right now, and I am happy to be able to honestly say so.
On an entirely different note, I must write/read/listen to music/practice Japanese/French/Russian more. Quite.
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[16 Jul 2009|01:16am] |
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow OW.
Fuck you.
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| The Newport Diaries, Take 1 |
[28 Jun 2009|01:38pm] |
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Today was the first day I didn't set an alarm clock in literally a year or so, and it was amazing haha. I got up at 10:30 for the first time in forever, yay. Btw, Newport is amazing! I love feeling like I live in a dorm with my besties. :] Independence is awesome! Plus, we're in such a prime location right in the heart of Newport, within walking distance of anything downtown. It's so perfect, and we have a fully stocked kichenette and a tv that has a DVD and VCR player, too. We'll be so much more prepared next year, now that we know what to bring since we know what we have at our disposal. I hope this is the start of a beautiful best friend tradition haha.
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| These Walls, Why Do We Need Them? I've Hidden So Well |
[25 Jun 2009|09:21pm] |
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mood |
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college?! |
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Wowwwwww. I'm on my mom's computer going through all my old shit on here, and look what I found:
"I stare earnestly out of this fortress of my own creation, achingly longing to catch the eye of the passerby. But all I do is hope. I cannot break these chains I slaved over so long ago, forged from the weakness of my heart. So I stare out and smile, hoping someone will look past the saccharine eyes and the cloying grin. But I knew that I would be the very warden to my personal prison, careful not to let the convict escape. And in a sense I did not want to escape, for that would engender an entire new host of responsibilities, new standards to live up to. Ah yes, standards. The insidious judge who ordered the construction of this prison. But the standards were my own, therefore I am the one to blame. Is it possible to be both the accuser and the accused? I acquiesced, I let it all happen before my averted eyes, I allowed myself to be intimidated by my self-created fear of exile."
I wrote that June 3, 2008. I edited a few parts just now to make it flow better, but still. I almost forgot how intense those feelings were, and how dramatic I could be lol.
Orientation was today, too. I made a few friends I think, hopefully with the upperclassmen. I need a kitchen to cook in haha. Plus, I think I can connect to slightly older people better anyway. Like gay guys! Omg, I ALWAYS can connect with them so easily! Ughhhh, I need a gay boyfriend lmao.
Oh yeah, Michael Jackson died today. So weird. </3
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| Project Graduation |
[22 Jun 2009|08:55pm] |
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Why do I put up with this shit? Seriously? I'm so fucking done, ugh. What do I do? What can I do. I'm tired of being the used friend, the abused, fallback friend. Fuck you.
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| The Truth Hurts So This Should Be Painless |
[21 Jun 2009|11:56pm] |
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Why do we do this to each other? Why must we hurt each other so? We truly are each other's hell. I'm too attatched for my own good. I'm too possesive for my own good. I'm too envious for my own good. And I'm in too much pain for my own good. This whole situation is killing me. Some friend you are.
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| All We Know is Falling |
[18 Jun 2009|09:12am] |
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mood |
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 upset |
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My last day of high school was this Monday, three days ago. It was surreal, constantly thinking that this is my last *insert class here.* I kept looking around thinking this is it; this is the last day I'll ever be a student here. Indeed, when I came back yesterday to get my cap and gown, I already kinda felt like a visitor. I was very melodramatic as I left on my last day, too haha. I looked hard at everyone I passed on my way out after hearing the last BHS melodic bell I'll ever hear as a student to try and memorize their faces. The last people I saw on the way out were my neighbor Riley Mann and this girl Krista I had in my gym class that semester.
But now I'm done.
All I have to do is show up at graduation to receive my diploma, but mentally, emotionally, etc., I'm done. Mr. Hinrichs had a surprisingly insightful "Life Lessons" powerpoint that actually made me think a bit. It's sad, but my best friend is a scum bag, as Hinrichs put it. And I'm the damn fool who keeps accepting the tearful, often genuine apologies while said friend keeps repeating the same douchiness over and over again. Why am I such a masochist? But what Brandon said yesterday is true. Everyone does have that one person they keep going back to, and it looks like he's mine. Pathetic, no? You'd think I'd attach myself to someone I actually have a romantic interest in, but nope, in the absence of that I move on to the next best thing: my best friend. I'm beginning to wonder about the verity in that adjective, however. :/ Whatever. Time to immerse myself in blissful teenage indifference. Later.
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| Time Flies When You Close Your Eyes |
[14 Jun 2009|10:15pm] |
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mood |
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 floating |
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music |
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some news channel my Dad's listening to lol |
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Tomorrow's the last day of high school. Ever. I'll be looking back at this one day thinking wow, for something everyone remembers as some huge sentimental milestone, it went by so quickly. I'm happy I'll have time to do the things I want to again. I purchased Three Cups of Tea and The Omnivore's Dilemma the other day. I can finally start reading again. :] And I'm completely determined to learn Japanese after hearing a Japanese woman, her daughter, and her granddaughter speak it to each other today at Bishop's. I could understand some of it, and the rest felt like it was on the tip of my brain. I seem to connect with the language on a deeper level, so I definitely want to pursue it. I've been playing my Emerald version a lot lately, too haha. I have a feeling I'll be going back to it for many years to come lol.
The next two weeks are going to be the busiest of my summer. I go from graduation to orientation to Newport? to Cooperstown. Sans breaks in between. I'd better go mentally prepare myself.
Ja ne!
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| "L'enfers, c'est les Autres" |
[11 Jun 2009|10:41am] |
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これはことができません。 School's almost out though, I'm pumped! And I really want to learn Arabic now, but I know I should ground myself further in French and Spanish first. So I'm going to try and practice them much more during the summer so I can dive right in for college. Wow...two days. Two days left of my high school career. Unbelievable.
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| Goodbye to You |
[23 May 2009|10:08am] |
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To be succinct, people are assholes and I don't care anymore.
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| Stand There Until You're Sober |
[08 May 2009|10:09am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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BTMI |
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You're a huge ass sometimes, yanno? Thanks for picking me up drunk, deserting Shell, Gia, and I to go steal things with Carly, and then coming back and completely ignoring me.
"So just one more beer, then grow up."
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| And When It Rains... |
[07 May 2009|04:51pm] |
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I love rainy afternoons like today. :]
I took the AP English test today...ehhh lol. I think I did okay on the multiple choice, but I know I BOMBED the essays. :/ Ah well, Arcadia doesn't take it anyway, and I think that's why I didn't try as hard. I've also been in a writing block for the past few weeks, so that didn't help. I understand that it's ultimately my responsibility/fault if I did poorly, though. I hate feeling like I'm making excuses for myself, even though I constantly do it.
I was over Shell's for a few hours last night, which was nice. We basically hung out while Brandon, Carly, and Gia were in the other room. I kinda didn't like how they seemed to not want to include us in whatever they were talking about, but I had a really fun time anyway. Shelly and I are closer musically than Brandon and I, and I'm always introduced to something new that I like when I'm over. We also decided to go to the zoo soon haha.
We're reading Huis Clos in French now, and Jean-Paul Sartre fascinates me. Philosophy in general fascinates me lol. His idea that actions make the person in an interesting one, and one I don't fully agree with. Of course one's actions help shape a person, but a person's intent and feelings do just as much. It will be an interesting read, I believe, and I can't wait for the discussion.
I really need to read more.
I really need to focus more.
I really need to listen to music more.
I really need to reconcile my desire to focus on school and my desire to go out with friends so I don't keep screwing both of them up.
I really need to act on this. Va t'en.
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[26 Apr 2009|09:53pm] |
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People confuse me. I confuse me. Ugh.
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| Bomb the High School! |
[24 Apr 2009|02:59pm] |
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Lmao, we had a bomb threat at school today. We got to chill on the baseball field for almost an hour, and the weather was beautiful. It was really a nice change of pace haha.
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| So Let's Go Nowhere (IDC if it's ASOB) |
[24 Apr 2009|06:46am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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I just found out BTMI will be having a Spring East Coast tour, ahh! I'm so pumped! But I hope I have someone to go with, because I'm pretty sure Shelly will go with Gabby and Jacqui, the latter of which dislikes me for some reason I'm still trying to find lol. Ah well, I'll figure it out haha.
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